my3sonsalways

Life with C1

Fri, 09 May 2008 15:36:26 GMT

Life with C1 is AWESOME! Why, you ask?

He is moving OUT next weekend!!!!

Party ON!

Happy Mother's Day to All you Mothers!

Life with C2

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:46:53 GMT

Life with C2 is always DRAMA. I realize that he is only 22 and I understand that he hasn't found 'his true calling' in life, but sometimes I wish he could just make up his damn mind and settle down.

For the last 6 months he has been sharing an apartment with a female roommate and no, they are not romantically involved. This arrangement was made because her previous roommate up and left her in the middle of the night leaving her with a 2 bedroom apartment and C2's then roommate managed to get them evicted for providing bad checks for rent 3 months in a row. C2 at the time was just starting his real estate career and new roommate was a student at the local community college. Before moving in, they discussed how life would be and agreed that they were both serious about their current endeavors and were too mature to have rowdy, drunken parties every night of the week. Did I mention that she is 19? Drama...

So..... within the first two months, C2 was griping and complaining and spending the night at our house because she was a loud, drunken idiot and her little friends were always over and keeping him up all night. Unfortunately he was stuck because there was no room at the inn. He stuck with the roommate but somewhere along Christmas time and the overnight failure of the real estate market, C2 became disillusioned and depressed because his dreams were falling apart. So, he decided to become a body builder. Now, because his parents are the world's biggest SUCKERS, we had agree to 'help' him while he got his real estate business up and running. In other words, he was on the payroll... Drama...

After a couple of months of doing absolutely nothing except working out and 'building his body', his Dad and I started to get a little testy about his lack of employment. In March we put our foot down and told him that the gravy train was no longer going to roll and he needed to decided what he wanted to be when he grows up because he only had one more month until we considered him a grown up. In true C2 fashion, during that month he decided to become a personal trainer, a fireman, an apartment leasing agent and a lifeguard. He became none of the above and with the deadline quickly approaching a couple of weeks ago he decided that he wanted to be just like his daddy and thus went to work for Hubby full time. Drama...

After the first week, life seemed to be settling down and going along just fine and he was showing up at the house every single morning at 5:00 am to ride to work with Hubby. Until last Wednesday. When C2 went to leave for work the roommates car was parked behind his in their single driveway and when he went to get her up to move it he discovered that she had not come home. After several attempts of trying to reach her, he called his Dad to come get him and he was one unhappy camper. His roommate finally called him around lunch time and they apparently had words and she told C2 to pack his bags. To my surprise when I got home from work, Hubby and C2 had moved all of his things into storage and he was going to be sleeping on my couch. Drama...

On Friday afternoon Hubby and C2 came home very late from work. When questioned where they had been, Hubby told me that he took C2 and rented him an apartment. He said he would rather pay a deposit and first month's rent to get him his own place than to have to work with him and live with him too! So we spent this weekend moving him in and getting him comfy. It is actually a very nice apartment (and he can afford it alone) and the whole community is very nice. It looked like a bunch of young working adults and we didn't see any kids all weekend.

As we are moving C2 in, Hubby was driving the rental truck and C2 was riding with me. He told me about this girl he had met the day before while looking at apartments and he had a date with her on Saturday night. He told me she was 'older' and she was really hot, but, "this might come as a shock to you Mom" but she has sleeves. Nice. Can't wait to introduce her to your grandparents. He told me not to worry, he was only going out with her to make M jealous. You guys must remember M, right? Surely you remember THIS. I didn't realize that he was still seeing her and he told me that they have been seeing each other off and on for the whole year. For some reason when one of them wanted to be serious the other didn't and so on and so on. She has now decided that she wants to be serious but he has decided to play a little hard ball to make sure she is serious. Drama...

We drive on and I am listening to his little story but not really listening because I just didn't really care, when he throws this one out there: "And I think she might be pregnant and I am hoping that she decides not to have an abortion and keeps it because I think I am really ready to have something permanent in my life and I would love to have a kid and someone to take care of to give meaning and purpose in my life and to give me a reason for getting up every day and busting my ass and working for a reason, not just to get by."

SCCCRRRRREEEEEECCCCCHHHHHHH.... Um, can you repeat that?

Actually my response was, "Cool, always wanted a porn star grandchild." To which he responded, "Um, can you repeat that?" And I said "never mind." Then we had the serious talk about responsibilities and stepping up to the plate and this doesn't mean you have to get married, etc. and then I went home and thought long and hard about it. And maybe it's not the perfect way to bring a child into the world, and maybe it will just be a scare and there won't be a baby, but, sit down and hold on to your hats folks, I think I am ready and would love to be a grandmother and I know that I will step up to the plate.

Just don't go calling me grandma - GOT IT!

Life with C3

Fri, 02 May 2008 16:09:37 GMT

C3 had to take the TAKS science test yesterday and the social studies one today, which I pretty much blew off worrying about. Remember the big fiasco about his "in danger of failing the math portion" and they wanted to take him out of choir for the extra tutorial? Well he passed the math portion so Yippee Skippee he gets to go to ninth grade next year. Tutorial class obviously didn't help much since he just passed it by only 12 points, but who am I to judge? So Wednesday I get an email from the school (which I happen to like better than the old days when they sent notes home with the kids because I NEVER got those) with suggestions on how to make your child succeed at the testing. You know, like a good mother should, make your child a healthy, nutritious breakfast, make them go to bed early the night before and try to remove stress from their lives, etc... WTFever? Am I like a rookie here or what?

Anyway, so as in the tradition of TAKS test day, yesterday I actually made C3 breakfast (eggs, toast and bacon with a glass of milk and a glass of OJ, thankyouverymuch) instead of making him fend for himself as I scream from my room, "Don't forget to brush your teeth!" "DID you put deodorant on today?" Today - "Do I need to make you breakfast AGAIN?" Thankfully he declined. Mom of the year, yep that would be ME!

So he gets home from school yesterday and he calls me like the good child that he is (or because he is the only one that still fears me?):

C3 "Mom, I think I aced that science test today."

Me "That's great son!"

C3 "Ya, it was easy I knew everything. But boy am I tired."

Me "Must have been that breakfast I cooked for you!"

C3 "Ya, whatever, you wouldn't believe how tired I am. It really drained me."

Me "I'm sorry, were you in there all day?"

C3 "It felt like it but I finished the test in about two hours."

Me "That's good, that doesn't seem too bad."

C3 "It made me so tired Mom, I don't think I have ever been this tired."

Me "That blows."

C3 "No, it was hard! After I finished the test then I had to stay in there for 3 hours doing nothing. Do you know how hard it is to just sit and do nothing for 3 hours? It can totally wipe you out!"

Me "Ya, that sucks, I hate doing nothing."

C3 "Seriously, it just was really, really hard to do nothing. I think I need to go take a nap."

Me "Hmmm... maybe what you really need is some activity to wake yourself up! I tell you what, why don't you do the dishes, vacuum, clean your room, make your bed, take out the trash and then you will have more energy."

C3 "Bye Mom"

Me "Hey C3"

C3 "Ya?"

Me "Nice try, but you gotta remember, this ain't my first rodeo!"

Merry May

Thu, 01 May 2008 21:02:28 GMT

April sucked. I was just looking over my blogs from April - what a downer I've been... I'm surprised you people kept coming back. Pity Party so over. Enough of that - let's have a Merry May! Only good things and sunshine - right?

Whatever. I just won't be such a BIG downer, maybe just a little one.

Seriously, I know how lucky I am I didn't get shot when I lost control with the lady in the minivan. I've never done anything like that before, maybe been extremely bitchy to a clerk or sales person when the customer service sucked or something like that, but even as mean and evil as I am, that was bad. That was bad enough for confession. Not that I am going to start going to confession because it's Merry May, WTF, but I will confess it in my private talk with the Big Guy (and no, not my boss, he is the other big guy).

So let's talk American Idol... Last week was the first week that I watched this season because excuse me The Biggest Loser was on! I didn't need to see any of it though because I have already decided the winner, well I've decided WHO should be the winner but I think that the real winner (who doesn't deserve it) will be someone else. I was a little disappointed in the bottom two last night, Brooke deserved to be there (and definitely it was past time for her to go) but I didn't think Sayesha should have. I happen to think she has a good voice (not the winner) but she did a much better 'show' than than dread-locked duffus that just sat there. He SUCKED! He deserved to be in the bottom two for sure with Brooke and her strumming a guitar and not moving but singing "I'm a Believer" - uh, hello, Ms. I Have NO Rhythm, have you ever HEARD that song before? It's a pick me up song, not a stand there and strum your guitar song! Simon was right - Nightmare! So who do you think will go next and who do you think will win?

TV just sucks right now. That stupid writer's strike screwed everything up. I used to have at least one show that I wanted to watch every night of the week, now the only shows I want to see are all on THURSDAY - AT THE SAME TIME! WTH is up with that? How am I supposed to sit down and relax and enjoy all of them when I am wondering what is happening on the other channel? And then last Thursday, or maybe the one before, I can't remember, anyway, we have this HUGE ass storm and the TV kept breaking in with weather updates. Like, okay there's a tornado, when I hear the siren I'll duck, enough already, quit interrupting my shows! But, the ones I recorded - all I got was more weather. That made for a really bad mood. So tonight I have to watch Earl, The Office, Grey's, Lost and ER or something bad will happen like the world will implode and then what? So what are your fav shows?

Now, wasn't this much better?

No news, things that are pissing me off and things that aren't...

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:23:24 GMT

I got home from work about 6:30 Monday night and there was a message from "Brenda" at the cardiologist's office telling me to give her a call she had the results of my tests. About friggin time... So first thing yesterday morning at 8 am, I start calling the doctor's office but the call wouldn't go through. After about 10 attempts and hearing this funky clicking noise and then a disconnection, I decided it must be my cell phone so I called my house and it worked. Hmmm... Got to work about 8:45 and called the doctor and it won't go through... tried 3 more times and then finally getting this clicking noise and then someone answered! This person was either in a really deep, deep hole in the ground or answering from somewhere like Antarctica because there was this huge echo. She let's me know that they don't open until 9 am.

I called at 9:02 and after spending what seemed like an HOUR pushing this number or that number and then actually HANGING UP and calling back to hit '0', finally got a live person at 9:15. As you might have guessed "Brenda" was busy with another doctor's patients and they would have her call me back. After repeating my name THREE times and leaving my cell phone number, I then sat all day waiting for a return call. I am starting to have concerns about this office - I mean, seriously, their patients are HEART patients, WTF?

At 4:45 I decided to give "Brenda" one more shot. Used my little ol' brain and as soon as the automated system answered I hit "0", got a live person and asked to speak to "Brenda". Miracle upon miracles, the call was sent right through and "Brenda" answered the phone. Excuse me, but why exactly had I been waiting all day if she is sitting at her friggin desk? Anyhow, I got the results...

The good news is I'm not going to croak at any moment and I will be treated with the current medications that I am on. The bad news is that I do have coronary artery disease in my left ventricular artery (say that three times). So, at least now I have an answer. Don't know what I am exactly supposed to do or feel about that answer, but there it is.

The whole medication thing is starting to piss me off. I am currently on six different medications. Of those, we know that one makes me want to vomit 24/7 and I can't seem to eat. Which makes me wonder WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T I LOST ANY WEIGHT? Five out of the six medications have a label that reads either drowsiness or dizziness may occur. I will actually be finished with one pill in about 3 days, so that leaves only 4 that make me tired. I think the combination of ALL of them is making me feel like shit. When I feel like shit, I get kind of mean and ugly. I've been mean and ugly a whole bunch lately. I think it may be getting out of control...

You know that one of my biggest pet peeves is bad driving and bad drivers. I believe I have ranted about this before. Yesterday as I was exiting the highway (with my right blinker ON), there was a car coming up the access road who chose to clearly IGNORE the BIG YELLOW YIELD SIGN and almost hit me. I slammed on my brakes to avoid a wreck and then she had the NERVE to flip me off in her rearview mirror. Steam was coming out of my ears I was so pissed off. Unfortunate for her when I rolled up to the red light she was sitting right next to me. I rolled my window down and started trying to get her attention (a little loudly). She finally rolled her window down and I say:

"You know that triangular YELLOW SIGN that says YIELD? That means that YOU are supposed to YIELD to the traffic coming off the highway."

She points her finger at me and says, "THAT yield sign was for YOU!"

So I retorted "NO BITCH, you might want to go back to Driving 101, because that YIELD sign is for YOU and other people on the side road. It is there so that YOU YIELD to the FASTER traffic coming OFF the fuggin (sorry gals, broke that promise not to use the real word here) highway and YOU don't cause a wreck and KILL somebody LIKE YOU JUST ALMOST KILLED ME, YOU DUMBASS!" And then I promptly rolled up my window. Now tell me that that's not just a little out of control - scared even me! Thank God she didn't have a gun in that minivan...

Thankfully I have calmed down since then and am now only a little weepy, hoping the drugs for THAT kick in real quick. Here's why, just received this email from my Mom:

Sweetheart,

As you get older I see how much more alike you are like your dad. He had that arrhythmia since he was in his 40's. Whether you know it or not you were always his favorite.

I don't think he would have had a heart attack like he did if that ulcer didn't burst because they never did find any problems with his arteries being blocked.

I love you and if you take care of yourself you will live to be as old as I am.

Love, Mom

Damn Mom...

Alive, Kicking, Tagged and blah, blah, blah, blah...

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:24:22 GMT

I certainly appreciate everyone's concern, it is a good feeling to know that somewhere out there I have people that actually care about me! I am still alive and kicking...

The meds for the UTI seemed to be working and I don't think the 36 almost straight hours of sleep hurt. Not that I want anyone to think I am witnessing here or have really flipped my lid, but after having a MAJOR pity party and crying my eyes out on the way home from the doctor on Thursday, I just gave it all up to God and prayed really, really hard. It was just time for me to do that. I think he has answered my prayers and I honestly am feeling better. I would almost say that I feel human today.

I went to bed Thursday around noon and except for getting up to go to the bathroom or rolling over to take one med or another, I did NOT get out that bed until Saturday morning. I still didn't feel too hot, but I managed to stay awake until around 3:00 before I went back down, and pretty much stayed in the bed until yesterday morning. Then I got myself up, got dressed and went to church, went to my mother's and ordered 13 pizza's, gave my nieces their birthday manicure and pedicure:

Even though I was tired and wanted to take a nap when I got home, I decided that I needed to get back into action so I did some laundry, went to the grocery store and made dinner for the first time in what seems like forever. I am tired today but I must be getting used to all the meds because not once have I wanted to crawl under my desk - that's a good sign.

The slowing down on the smoking is working and I only seem to run into a problem when I am alone. Maybe I need an imaginary friend or something....

So I have been tagged by Mrs. K and Sarah so here ya go:

These are the rules. Link the person who tagged you. Mention the rules in your blog. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours. Tag 6 more bloggers by linking them. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged.

1. I don't drink milk. I cannot remember the last time that I drank a glass of milk, probably when I was a child and my mother wouldn't let me leave the table until the milk in my glass was gone. YUK!

2. I don't eat eggs. If something with eggs in it (in egg form, not mixed like in cakes) touches my tongue my body automatically begins the gag reflux and 9 times out of 10 I will puke. Doesn't matter if the eggs are smashed and you can't see them or if they are chunks, cannot do it, won't do it, EVER.

3. I have 15 pairs of flip flops.

4. I have 30 pairs of black shoes.

5. I have 10 pair of black pants.

6. I don't particularly like the color black, it's just simple.

So now I must tag someone, so.... I tag Aimee, Floozer, Tricia, Not so June and Joisey so there you go.

Mental Health Days

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:16:07 GMT

I decided to take today and tomorrow off for mental health days. I'm thinking I really deserve me some mental health days...

So the plan was to sleep late, do absolutely NOTHING today but watch all the TV shows that I have recorded and never got to and stay in my pajamas ALL DAMN DAY LONG, Tomorrow I was going to get meself beautified and then organize my closet. Saturday was going to be another do absolutely nothing day and then Sunday was the big family monthly luncheon and birthday party for my little nieces 3rd birthday. Sounds like a plan - right?

Today I woke up with a raging UTI and without even taking the Chantix* I want to puke all over myself so I guess I have to get up and go to the damn doctor, yet again... Wednesday the window in my car fell into the slot and wouldn't come back up so that was in the shop and just guess how much that cost me? $5 friggin hundred dollars! So looks like the beautifying session is OUT. C3 informs me last night that he has a FUGGIN baseball tournament this weekend and he has a game at 8 FUGGIN AM on Saturday morning and another at noon in a city 30 miles away! And last but not least, my brother just sent me an email to REMIND me that it is my month to PLAN THE LUNCHEON and bring the main course...

My life sucks! I think when we discuss how bad our lives suck, mine trumps them all...

UPATE - Just got back from doc and I am going to get in bed and not get out for a few days and if I am not feeling better by tomorrow I have been instructed to go to the ER. Have already put Hubby and my mother on alert that they are in charge and I am signing out of life until further notice. Or maybe I should just put myself out to pasture....

The Saga Continues...

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:45:07 GMT

First of all, I really wasn't thinking cliffhanger yesterday I just had to get some work done so I just stopped where I was at and thought I'd continue today. Now I'm all worried that you guys are wanting something juicy and I will fail to deliver, the pressure.....

Second, YES, you can bet your bottom that I had big hair, it was the early 90's and I AM from Texas! I had me SOME BIG TEXAS HAIR! Hate to disappoint you but I doubt I have a picture of me in my RED suit, even though it continued to be my POWER suit for a couple of years. Here's a visual, double breasted, big gold buttons, a-line skirt that hit mid-thigh (not quite mini) and fullback sized shoulder pads. Sadly, the fullback sized shoulder pads went out of style and I had to retire it to the Good*Will...

Third, NO this isn't the beginning of my life series, that would bore you all to tears...

Fourth, YES the Big Guy is bigger than me! He is both literally and physically one of the few men in the world that I look up to, even in my signature heels!

And finally, I am praying that no news is good news like all of you are suggesting because I still haven't heard a word from the the doctor... So onto Chapter 2, the final chapter...

As you might have guessed, the arrival of the Big Guy and me didn't set well with the current marketing department. Quite frankly they hated our guts before they ever met us. To make matters worse, there was no room for the Big Guy to have an office in the already existing marketing department, nor room for me. So the company rented additional office space on another floor and began remodeling it for the man that was going to save the company, the Big Guy. While this was being remodeled, they rented a small suite for just me and the Big Guy to work in. This automatically made us public enemy number one because we were being treated 'special' and then the rumors started.

The first one was that the Big Guy was actually the President's cousin and was in dire financial straits and so the Pres felt sorry for him and gave him a job because the Pres' mother was the sister of the Big Guy's deceased mother. How imaginative is that? There were more and more as time went on and during those five years I slept with so many people to climb my way to the top that I'm surprised I could actually walk most days... Who'd have ever believed that I actually worked hard?

So as time did go on, the Big Guy developed new products to be sold and we had to fight tooth and nail with everyone in the company along the way to get anything done. Seriously, these people were hostile! So once we had our new products and the Big Guy hired his real cousin, Ed, a long time, successful insurance professional, things started to roll and we started hiring tons of new agents and selling LOTS of new insurance. We took the company from it's current 20 new applications a week to 200 new applications a week! We were all excited and enjoying the success and the masses were getting more hostile by the day, what with all that WORK they had to do?

After about 4 months our new office was ready and the whole marketing department was set to move in. Me and the Big Guy and the 10 or so employees of the mistress who all felt that their queen had been slighted by the hiring of the Big Guy. The Queen and her court became the bane of my existence and let nothing stop them from trying to sabotage my every move! But, the new offices were elaborate! Lots of custom cherry wood pillars and furniture and a fancy glass door. The front section with the thick, luxurious carpet had a HUGE office for the Big Guy, a very large area for me, a sitting area with a couch and chairs and then a large conference room with a fancy table and big cushy chairs and a kitchenette with maid service! The back section of the office (which was closed off by a door and where the Queen and her court were stationed) was your standard indoor/outdoor office carpet, white walls and cubicles with a larger cubicle office for the mistress and a stand for the coffee pot. War was on and we were the devil!

In reality for the Big Guy and me, it was an exciting time and we were doing exactly what we'd been hired to do and we tried to pay as little attention to all the rumors and bickering that we could. With his cousin's help, we just kept growing and growing and we worked our butts off! It was not unusual for me to work 12 hour day or to work weekends. If truth be told we also started enjoying all of those incentives being thrown at us. We scheduled breakfast meetings upstairs in the exclusive club, took recruits on golf outings at the prestigious golf course, had dinner meetings upstairs and went for drinks upstairs about 3-4 nights per week after working so hard. During this whole time Ed was living in California (still does) with his wife who happens to be a very successful public relations guru and manager to quite a few stars. Ed, being a good ol' country boy from East Texas, would fly into town on Monday and fly home on Thursday afternoons and it was usually my job to pick him up and take him back to the airport each week since I live very close to the airport.

During this time Ed and I became the BEST friends in the world and he became a true mentor to me. I probably would NOT be where I am today or in the position I am in without his coaching and guidance. Both he and the Big Guy have the biggest hearts and although both have become very wealthy and successful, neither of them has ever forgot where they came from and they go out of their way to help others have the same success as them. However, since Ed and I spent so much time together the rumor started that we were having an affair. Certainly men and women CAN'T be just friends, especially if the man is 20 years older than the woman! We actually thought it was quite hilarious and were just bratty enough to pour gas on the fire!

We constantly hugged (and always a little too long) when we saw each other or pecked each other on the cheek. Ed would always whisper in my ear, "Make it look good sweetheart!" which would make me laugh and everyone of course thought we were whispering sweet nothings to each other. If we were walking together in the halls or through the office, he always put his hand on the small of my back. We'd purposely go on long lunches, usually I'd drop him off at a sports bar and go running errands for home before picking him up, just so they had more fuel. It was one of the funniest and best times of my life! We got such a big kick out of all of it and the more rumors, the more we made it appear it was real. The Big Guy and his wife were in on it, as well as Ed's wife and my Hubby. It was just too fun to stop!

Until, the Pres called the Big Guy into his office one day and told him that he thought it was "inappropriate" that we were carrying on such a public affair, the employees were all upset and talking about it (in other words his mistress was pissed) and the Big Guy needed to get rid of one of us! Yes, this from the man that was sleeping with HIS mistress in HIS office and everyone in the building knew (because she 'secretly' told a few (100's) people)! This really pissed the Big Guy off but he told us we had to cut it out or one of us was going to end up getting fired. That pissed Ed off and so he told the Big Guy he was tired of the traveling and didn't need the money anyway so he would quit because I didn't deserve to get fired over a stupid joke. And so he did, Ed quit. That was one of the saddest days of my life, but thankfully we have kept our friendship (and our craziness) up since then. Even though I skipped out on dinner when he came into town last week, he made a special trip up to the office to see me and let me know he was thinking of me. That made me feel good.

Ed and his wife used to live in a beautiful home that was once owned by that old actress with the EYES, you know the one there is a song about? Hubby and I have traveled to Beverly Hills and stayed with Ed and his wife for a long weekend. It was a gorgeous home! Ed's wife and I went on a walk after dinner one night and she showed me were Bab's, the singer, lived and she climbed up on that 10 foot stone wall and said "Come on up, I want you to see her backyard!" I thought she was completely nuts but I did, and we laughed about how funny it was that a couple of hicks from Texas were peeping into Bab's backyard. That really, really short and chubby, funny actor that has a short wife, lived across the street and we got to meet him one afternoon, that was pretty cool. They have since moved from that house to a beautiful home in Topanga Canyon and I can't wait to visit them there someday.

The ending to the tale of the large company is that even though we were successful in bringing tons of new business into the company, the years and years of overspending prior to our arrival had always been secretly hidden from the books. Thus, sadly, even though the company started making a lot more money, greed got the best of some and more and more money was spent on over-indulgence and the company ended up filing bankruptcy. Tons of heads began to roll, first the Pres and second the mistress. She had made my life hell for the entire time I worked there and got the justice she deserved. A power struggle then started with the new CFO and the Big Guy, who was in the position to take over the company. A ton of dirt and BS went on that I don't really care to rehash but needless to say, the Big Guy lost that war. Then since it was guilt by association, I was let go and then on down the line to all the employees we had brought in.

Didn't really matter, the Big Guy started this company, gave us all the opportunity to join him and we have built it up to being almost as big, if not bigger than that other one ever was with a 1/20th of the employees! The CFO that won the war, took the company further into the ground and all those people that sneered at us on our way out the door ended up losing their jobs in the end. I know it is a sin to be prideful, but I honestly get a big kick out of running into these people from the past around town and showing them that we're still here and still on top! The Big Guy's favorite phrase is "Success is the best Revenge!" and I totally agree!

The End...

Revisiting Past Drama...

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:20:42 GMT

I'm tired of sitting here fretting over the doctor not calling since we all know that I am a pessimistic person that believes no news is probably bad news that they don't want to share the bad news AND also trying to take my mind off my nausea so I thought I would share a humorous story instead of working.

Background information: About 10 years ago before we started this company, our current management staff all worked for another large insurance company in the city. I actually worked for the Big Guy there for almost five years starting as his administrative assistant and working my way up to Assistant Vice President. Of course, WE all know how I got that job... hmmm...

Before the Big Guy was asked to join this organization, the employees all enjoyed a very sedentary work life and the majority of them were lifer's. They managed the small amount of business on the books and took in an even smaller amount of business each week. Nobody worked hard but those at the top enjoyed the incentives of a company that appeared to have money to spare. And by incentives I mean that they took lavish "management" trips quarterly to places like Beaver Creek to ski, Cabo San Lucas, the Dominican Republic, etc. As well as being members of not only THE most prestigious country club in Fort Worth (you might have heard of it, the PGA plays a tournament there each year) which has a waiting list so long that someone has to die for anyone new to get in, but also an exclusive members only restaurant/club at the top of the tallest building in Fort Worth where they all enjoyed breakfast, lunch, dinner and plenty of happy hour drinking on the company's tab. This was a tight knit group and they did not like outsiders nor did they play well with others.

Years of spending so much money and not bringing in new business brought some unsettling problems to this company. This unsettling problem upset the Board of Directors who all wanted to make more money, knew there was the potential to do that and eventually wanted to go public to make some bigger cash. So the President was instructed to start selling MORE insurance business, and start doing it quickly, thus the hiring of the Big Guy to be the 'Marketing Guru' and moving him and his family in from Arizona at a substantial salary along with all of the incentives, including A golf membership at exclusive club. This didn't set too well with the current management, especially the woman that was currently over marketing (and who just happened to be sleeping with the married President - proven fact, not rumor) nor the employees that had become accustomed to sitting on their tushes doing very little work but collecting a paycheck.

At that time, I was trying the stay at home Mom thing and that wasn't working too well for me. Mainly because I was bored shitless. So a friend of mine that was working at the large insurance company in HR called and told me about the job opening for an assistant to the Big Guy, whom very few people had met, but the description sounded just like what I had done before at another insurance company where she and I had both worked. I interviewed with the current Vice President (mistress) and was hired without ever having met the Big Guy.

On my first day, I wore my RED business suit and pumps (praying he was at least taller than me) wanting to make not only a good impression but the statement that I was a professional to be taken seriously. It apparently worked because still today the Big Guy teases me about that red suit and how I must have scared the hell out of the masses...

So our first order of business was to find the best insurance managers and agents and convince them to come to work for this company that had a reputation of NOT wanting to sell insurance. Our first score was pretty easy, we hired the Big Guy's cousin, who was to become one of my very best friends in the whole world.

To be continued...

Drug Induced Life

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:38:34 GMT

Well when the doctor said STAT, he really meant STAT. I was called on Thursday and told that they reworked the Friday schedule to get me in at 11:15 for both tests. I had to be there at 9:00 for a beta blocker, which I have no idea what that was but it was supposed to slow my heart rate down. Apparently it had to slow down to 60 beats or below the entire time of the test. They took me into the catscan room to take my heart rate to decide how much much of the beta blocker to give me. Joke was on them, as soon as I saw that machine my heart started racing and my palms started sweating and they thought I was kidding about the claustrophobia thing... So I took my beta blocker and I took my anti-anxiety medicine and I woke up Saturday morning. Can't exactly remember anything in between there... Comatose does lead to no smoking and since I couldn't have any caffiene or nicotine from 11:00 the night before and slept through the day, that was a good day. Hoping to hear the results today, we'll see...

Saturday I got up determined to clean the house and for some reason it kicked my butt to do so. I'm not sure it if the combination of all the drugs, I am a walking pharmacy, or since I finally looked up coronary artery disease an I have self diagnosed myself. (I mistakenly typed coronary heart disease the other day, let's just blame that on the drugs too.) Hubby convinced me that maybe I needed some 'fresh air' and took me to the Outdoor Recreation show. Uh yea, race cars, motorcycles, RV's, etc. and their fumes really went along with the fresh air idea... I enjoyed it but it really whopped my butt too. Came home and went to bed at 8:00. Only 4 cigs the whole day!

Yesterday got up and went to church, did a psuedo-grocery shopping trip, came home and went down for a nap. C3 woke me up at 5:00 for baseball practice and I had no idea if it was 5 am or pm. Stayed up to watch my shows, Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters and was out like a light at 10:01.

Hoping I make it through today without being discovered with my head on my keyboard with slobber running out my mouth... And for those who are wondering, and obviously those that weren't... I finally had a talk with Hubby and the Big Guy and his wife so my secret is pretty much out in the open. Got a loving, great response from the Big Guy and his wife and the expected response from Hubby. He doesn't understand (or believe) in addiction (have I ever mentioned that his is a pig-headed, never wrong person?) and he can't believe that I can't just throw the cigs away. That my friends is his show of support. Gotta love 'em. Don't get me wrong, he is being very supportive otherwise, he just doesn't understand why I can't just stop.

So there you have it, my life in a drug induced state is about all I got...

The Good News/Bad News Edition

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:29:58 GMT

So I had my visit with the cardiologist yesterday afternoon and unfortunately it didn't turn out exactly as I was planning...

Good News - Took 1/2 of the new anti-anxiety med before going to cardiologist and it zapped that anxiety and I was able to talk to the doctor like a functioning adult...

Bad News - Even 1/2 of the new anti-anxiety makes me want to crawl under my desk and nap for a couple of hours but I persevere...

Good News - The cardiologist does not believe that I have anything wrong with my heart. It sounds strong and my breathing sounds normal, but we will do an echocardiogram on May 6 to double check if there are any abnormalities of my heart...

Bad News - The cardiologist does not believe that my "fake heart attack" was a panic attack of epic proportions. He thinks I HAD a panic attack of epic proportions following the chest pains that I suffered. He also thinks that from my description of my "fake heart attack" and the symptoms that I am having may suggest a rare form of coronary heart disease...

Good News - There is a test that can be done to determine this and the results will be conclusive and answer any questions of whether I do have coronary heart disease...

Bad News - The doctor wants this test done STAT, by the end of this week or Monday at the latest...

Good News - My 1/2 pill did not make me freak out over the word STAT...

Bad News - The test involves a procedure involving a cat scan and die more extensive than the test in the hospital which means that I will again be placed inside that tubular machine for a longer period of time which will without a DOUBT, produce a panic attack due to my claustrophobia and fear of enclosed spaces...

Good News - I have 3 full bottles of anti-anxiety medication that all make me comatose and I am not afraid to use one...

Bad News - I can't drive myself comatose...

Good News - My beloved sister-in-law just quit her job yesterday and is one of the only family members that knows of my situation...

Bad News - I have to have a sit down with the Big Guy and his wife and let them in on everything now, no more hiding...

Good News - These are the nicest, most generous people in the world and even though I may make their insurance premiums go through the roof, they will still love me...

Good News - Tonight I was supposed to join the Big Guy, his wife and some of the people we have worked with for years for dinner at DEL FRISCO to see one of my very dearest friends in the entire world who will be in town from California and I haven't seen him in two years!

Bad News - I am SO nauseated and SO tired that the though of eating and visiting with anyone at 7 PM is too much for me to handle and I just can't make it, I just can't...

Good News - I have though of a very funny post involving this dear old friend that I will share with you all shortly...

Bad News - I won't get to see my dear old friend tonight...

Good News - Did very well on the count yesterday, only 7! Made it the entire way through the day at work AGAIN!

Bad News - Even though the seventh one was the last in the pack, I stopped and got another pack...

Good News - The baseball game last night got canceled because the other team did NOT show up and we technically get a WIN!

Bad News - Loser coach decides to go ahead and have PRACTICE since they were there anyway - WTF? Dude - we have just played 10 games in 4 days, is that not enough practice?

Good News - Still got home late, around 8:00, but got a full 8 hours of sleep...

Bad News - I still need approximately 4,362 more hours to feel normal again...

So there you have it, can't really tell if the good news outweighs the bad, but that is my life...

Things I Hate, Volume 1

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 15:24:41 GMT

I hate little league baseball. After attending 10 games in the past 4 days and having one more fuggin game tonight, I am officially baseball'd out. And I have done it alone, Hubby has been out of town at a seminar.

I hate little league baseball coordinators. What kind of fuggin moron thinks that scheduling baseball games for 13/14 year old kids that last for one hour and 45 minutes at 8:30 on school nights is acceptable? And then scheduling ONE team this time slot three fuggin nights in a row? I am tired of getting home at 11:00 at night, getting 6 hours of sleep, working all day and then doing it again. Really, really, really tired.

I hate little league baseball coaches. For several reasons. First, in my vast experience of little league sports the general make-up of a little league coach (for any sport) is a man that was a complete loser in athletics during his youth and high school years and after having a male child, he believes that he can turn that male child into the STAR athlete that he never was in order to redeem himself as a real man. Apparently these losers have never heard of or studied genetics.

Second, I hate that little league coaches don't have a concept of time. I surely would like to know what kind of jobs these men hold that allows them to schedule things like practice at 4:00 PM on Wednesday? Or why do they always want the team at the field by 7:00 for an 8:30 game. Dude, it is a 15 mile round trip drive to the ball park to drop my kid off an hour and half BEFORE the stupid game. I have a life outside baseball, it does not include the desire to sit at the baseball park for 4 fuggin hours three times per week.

And third, let's not forget the 'talk' that we must have after each fuggin game. Whether we lost 21-0 or won 21-0, it's the same damn talk every single time and NO I don't want to listen to you for 15 minutes when the 8:30 game did not start until 8:50, which means it didn't end until 10 fuggin 25 at night. I want to take my kid and go home and go to BED. STFU!

(In all fairness, I will give kudos to anyone that accepts the responsibility of being a little league coach because it does take a ton of time and devotion to children, I know I have done it.)

I hate the children of little league baseball coaches. Well most of them. Have you ever noticed that the child of the loser coach is generally not only the WORST player on the team, yet he NEVER sits out no matter how bad he sucks? AND that he has the WORST attitude and is the laziest child E.V.E.R? I guarandamtee if my child threw a temper tantrum after he struck out by throwing his bat against the fence, taking his helmet off and chucking it across the dugout and then kicking anything in his path, my child would get an ass chewing from said loser coach (and an ass whipping from his mother). But not the coaches kid, nope, he's an ANGEL.

I hate little league parents. If you know SO much about this damn game, then why are you sitting here on the bleachers with me, shouting and coaching from the sidelines? Do you think your constant "Scoot up (Scoot over, Scoot Back)to the Plate" or "Throw Strikes" or "Breathe, don't think about it, just throw the ball." really does anything for the kids? NO, they find it just, if not more, annoying than ME! You should STFU or volunteer to coach a damn team!

And here's a little note to all you little league parents that think Johnny is the "star" and will be a pro player. He's NOT. The odds are so stacked against him it's not even funny. He's a chubby, lazy, smart mouth kid (oh yea, and the coaches son) and unless some miracle happens he probably won't make it past high school ball. Trust me, I have watched 1000's of boys, literally thousands, go through little league and then high school baseball (football or any other sport) and their parents thought the same thing. They are working at the local food mart making minimum wage now. Not ONE of those thousands of boys went pro, not one. It's a GAME, leave him alone and let him enjoy it and have fun, quit PUSHING him so hard.

I hate fast food. You think I am deviating from the subject but trust me I am not. During baseball season with all the practices and games, there is rarely time to have a home cooked meal. In addition to watching 10 fuggin games in the past 4 days, I have eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner at every fuggin fast food restaurant known to man. I hate fast food.

I hate being nauseated. I am now deviating from the original subject. I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes. In fact, I just might. Maybe it will make me think of something besides my nausea. But I'll keep taking the damn medicine because I not only need to, I have to and I WANT to. I wish I could say that yesterday was a good day but it wasn't. My stress and tiredness was at an all time high by the end of work and I slipped up in the evening, too much. It was still a lot less than a normal day from the past, but the number wasn't good enough. I hate that because that makes me hate me...

Where's Elroy:

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 01:57:17 GMT

Today was a pretty good day with the smoking. My alloting myself a certain number of cigarettes per day seems to be working out pretty well. Saturday was 8, Sunday was 9 and today only 6 so far. I actually went the entire work day from 8:30 - 5:30 without a smoke, as long as I was busy I didn't think about it. That last hour was a killer though...

Still not so sure if the Chantix is working, but I do know that it makes me nauseated as hell. For 4 straight hours after I take it. You can set your clock by it, 4 hours on the dot. It doesn't matter if I eat before I take it, eat after I take it or eat while I am taking it, for FOUR solid hours I want to nothing more than puke. So far nothing has settled my stomach except Fanta*Pineapple Soda. Doesn't completely take the nausea away, but it helps. I discovered this at the ballpark where I lived this past weekend watching endless baseball. Not too easy to find in the stores however after searching today. Finally found some at a gas station and bought all 6 bottles that they had. That clerk probably thought I was a lunatic... There is one good thing about being nauseated for 8 hours out of the day, I sure as hell don't want to smoke a cigarette when with every intake of breath I want to chunk up my stomach...

Enough of me... Earlier I was driving back from the ballpark after dropping C3 off for his 8:30 game (oops, I'm late, oh damn...) and I noticed that the retaining wall of a new senior living development had been 'tagged'. I have to tell you that is one thing that gets under my skin more than anything else. Why must you tag shit? First of all, nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can ever figure out what it says or means except the moron that drew it. I will admit that some of it is artisitic, but it is also destruction of someone's property. Someone, other than you, has to pay money to have that shit cleaned up!

Back in my day we used to 'tag' our school books and folders with the 'Elroy was Here' logo. I know some of you don't remember that, but I KNOW some of you do... Remember this (ignore the freehand drawing in Paint):

But we didn't (or I didn't) go around spray painting it on buildings, walls, street signs, people's fences or underpasses and sometimes overpasses. We just drew it on our folders and thought we were cool.

What I'd really like to do is rent me a billboard and put this message on it:

Dear Gangbangers:

If you want to tag something (and if you can actually READ this), TAG ME! Maybe no one has ever told you, but N.O.B.O.D.Y. gives a shit about your tag but YOU. You want to destroy something by tagging it? Tag this!

Of course then I'd add a picture of Elroy. That oughta get 'em, don't you think?

One Step at a Time...

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:31:19 GMT

So far today has been a pretty good day. Not real sure if getting it all off my chest did the trick or all of my new meds are finally kicking in. Although I don't make any promises, today I decided to try a new approach. I took 5 cigarettes out of the pack and stuck them in a plastic baggie and left the pack at home. I only smoked ONE cigarette on the way to work and I am quite proud to say that at 1:13 PM I have not smoked another one nor actually had the craving for one. Yea Me!

I had to call the doc this morning and tell her the panic attack medicine was a tad too strong since it makes me comatose. Seriously comatose. Like the Wednesday we apparently had severe storms with 70-80 mph winds and a few tornados touching down. My mom had a tree from her neighbors yard fall onto to her house, the BFF's parents had a tree fall onto and total their car, our school district was closed yesterday since there was no electricity, the roof our church got torn off and flooded the sanctuary, and it was all anyone talked about all day yesterday. I never woke up... For a light sleeper and insomniac that is amazing in itself. Last night I didn't take it until I was in the bed, turned on the TV to watch ER and woke up this morning at 6 am when Hubby told me he was leaving. That's a little scary. Needless to say I can't take it during the day, thankfully I had some ativan left. I'm suppose to cut it in half now, we'll see if that works but I think I will wait until I am safely at home.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. We have baseball at 8 AM in the fuggin morning, better yet it's a fuggin double header... Men, only men would make a schedule like that...

Thanks again for all the support! I am taking it one step at a time...

True Confessions

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 18:53:53 GMT

Today is the day I've decided to lay open the book to all of you, my fellow bloggers and the nicest group of people I have ever met. Even though I haven't actually met all of you face to face, I consider all of you my friends. You have all been SO VERY supportive and kind with your words of encouragement and checking on me. You deserve to know the truth, and truthfully, I need your continued support.

I have always portrayed myself as a 'closet smoker' not a real smoker, because I never smoked in public only in the privacy of my own car and outside at my house (NEVER in the house). I've never in my life sat in the smoking section of a restaurant, never smoked at a family function, never smoked anywhere someone might see me. Most people that know me don't even know that I smoke and if they found out they always said they would have never guessed because "you don't SMELL like a smoker." (I should have stock in the perfume industry.) I have known my in-laws for 28 years and I have never once smoked in front of them. However, being a 'closet smoker' for over 30 years, yep 30 fuggin years, since the age of 15, has finally come to slap me in the face. Funny, I have always been embarrassed about being a smoker but never in the past 30 years have I E.V.E.R. once thought of quitting. What a loser!

At the hospital last week during all of the tests for my 'fake' heart attack, I learned some very gut wrenching news that I had only shared with three people until yesterday. One was my sister because she happened to be in the room when the doctor blurted it out and two very dear blog buddies who for some reason I felt compelled to share the news with. Perhaps it was because I knew with them it could still be a 'secret' because I was too ashamed and humiliated to share it with anyone I knew. Until yesterday I had not shared it with anyone else, not even Hubby, my children, my mother or my BFF. Unfortunately, I still haven't shared it with Hubby or the kids, I am still working on the courage to do that... But I finally broke yesterday and told my Mom and my BFF. Why? Because the panic attacks were getting too much for me to handle and they are both smokers.

My doctor confirmed yesterday that I am in the early stages of emphysema. There, I said it out loud and didn't break down. Yes, for 30 years I have been slowly killing myself at my own hand. Disgusting when you think about it, truly disgusting. This was picked up on the catscan when they were searching for a blockage in an attempt to discover what my 'fake' heart attack was caused from. They didn't find any blockages or heart disease, just the fact that I am slowly killing myself. I cannot convey how ashamed and humiliated I am that I have done this to myself. I wish I could honestly say that I threw the cigarettes down that very minute and haven't lit up since, but that would not be true.

I am addicted. And the fact that I cannot or have not been able to stop has been a huge part and the cause of my frequent panic attacks. Can you imagine knowing you are killing yourself with every puff of a cigarette but not having the will power to make yourself NOT take that puff? It is horrifying, shameful and it sucks.

I learned some very valuable lessons at the doctors office yesterday. I told you she might have some tricks still up her sleeve. I learned that my addiction is just like someone else's addiction to drugs or alcohol. And it is hard to beat an addiction and it might take me awhile and maybe even several attempts. But that is okay, emphysema won't kill me tomorrow or next week or next month. It might eventually kill me, but with help from medication, support from my family and friends, I will be able to beat this addiction. I am trying. I have been taking the *Chantix* for a full week, I was hoping it was a miracle drug. It might be for some people but it is apparently not the miracle I needed. I will be adding the patch to this as well. I will keep trying.

I also learned that my 'fake' heart attack was most likely a panic attack in bigger proportions than I had ever seen. To be safe and make sure of this I will be going to a cardiologist next week. I started suffering from small panic attacks just over a month ago and I really thought it was from overworking and traveling so much. The constant panic attacks from this past week I attributed to my fear of dying from either a heart attack or the emphysema. The doctor believes that perhaps all of this could be post traumatic stress syndrome and that possibly I never really 'dealt' with my father's death. I was skeptical at first but slowly this began to make sense. I made it through the past four anniversaries of my Dad's death without a problem (or so I thought) but this one just about did me in. I have some unresolved issues there that I need to work through. I also need to get my panic attacks under control and I will with medication and support.

So there you have it, the whole truth. I'm laying myself on the line and admitting my failures, no matter how humiliated and ashamed I am, there it is, the whole ugly, disgusting truth.

Hanging On...

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:07:31 GMT

Thank you all for your support and concern. I am hanging on by a thread right now but hopefully will be back in the swing of things soon. I have had a few panic attacks in my life before last week, nothing severe that I couldn't talk myself down from. Since last week I have been experiencing panic attacks regularly, like every couple of hours, and have pretty much been a zombie, popping ativan at every available opportunity.

The rational, intelligent adult in me keeps telling me I am fine, life goes on, and all these 'symptoms' that I keep experiencing are psychosomatic and there is nothing for me to fear.

But the irrational, freaked out, death knocking on my door, afraid to go to sleep for fear of never waking, crying at the drop of the hat child in me keeps sneaking out when I least expect it.

Don't worry the rational, intelligent adult knows that I need help and I have made an appointment with the doctor for Wednesday. I credit this doctor for saving my life after my Dad died, hopefully she has a few tricks still up her sleeve. Until then I may be scarce and MIA but I will be back, I am determined to be back!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:02:05 GMT

I got that much needed vacation day yesterday although it wasn't very relaxing... I did however learn something very valuable yesterday. A sure fire way to jump to the front of the line and be seen IMMEDIATELY in any Emergency Room is too calmly walk in, all dressed in your finest looking like amillion bucks, and quietly state, "Excuse me, I think I am having a heart attack."

You would be amazed how fast and how many people will move to assist when you utter those simple words. Lightening fast...

Thankfully, I did not however have a heart attack, it only took them 14 hours to actually decide that and I am now safely at home following the doctor's advice of "rest today and avoid strenuous activity" and scored me a prescription of ativan* to boot...

Calm down! I am truley fine, although my official diagnosis was chest pain of uncertain cause, they did discover that I had no magnesium or potassium in my body (don't know where it went or how it gets in there) and those two things are necessary to keep your ticker ticking. Filled me back up with those two things and took enough blood along the way to make my veins to go into hiding and refuse to give any more and make me look like a serious drug addict with track markes up and down both arms, but now I am fine.

However driving to work yesterday I was not so sure... Sort of like a pregnant woman always wonders "how will I know when I am in labor?" and everyone always says, "Trust me, you WILL know." I have always wondered "How do people know they are having a heart attack?" Although NOT a heart attack, my left arm went completely numb and my fingers were tingling and I had what I could only describe to the doctors as an extremely painful "burp" in my heart that ended with a distinct tightening in my chest. I smartly pulled off the highway, calmly called my mother and asked her which arm is it that is suppose to hurt when you have a heart attack? She laughed and asked me why I needed to know, and then I completely lost it and had a total panic attack. I was within safe distance of a hospital, drove there, parked my car and with spaghetti legs walked into the emergency room where I spent the next 14 hours.

Today I will take another vacation day and rest and I will finally go get that prescription of *Chantix* filled and quit smoking for good. Mark my words - today is the first day of the rest of my life!

Birthday Wishes...

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:17:08 GMT

Today is my Mom's birthday and I made an extra effort to remember to call her this morning and be the FIRST one to wish her Happy Birthday. Driving to work I called her and dadgumit if I am already the second person to call! It was only 7 fuggin 45 in the morning! Geez - it's hard to be the first to do anything in my family...

Unfortunately work has not gone along with the plan of having a pleasant week and I decided today that I need a fuggin vacation - even one day would be great at this point. I know, I know, job security and all that crap, recession, bullshit and more crap... just bite me Hubby if I wanted to hear that BS I would have complained to someone who actually cared....

Last night C3 had a baseball game and had to be there at 5:30. A mere 45 minutes to a hour away from work so I left early, picked him up and dropped him off at 5:34, listening to him complain that he was late. That got a big bite me... Was furiously doing the rain dance all day to cancel the game and while there were thunderstorms, hail storms and even a tornado touching down all around us, not one damn drop at the ballfield... Didn't cook since we got home at 8:30, so another fast food dinner.

Today, C3 had 7on7 football at 4:30, baseball practice at 6:30 and in between leaving work early AGAIN to chaueffer him to all his destinations, I went and did a quick run through the grocery store before I had to pick him up at 8:00. Picked a shrimp menu and made elaborate changes to it to make it quick and the kid calls me at 7:00 to tell me to come pick him up. Water is boiling, oven is ready, Hubby is in shower so I had to leave and go get him. Got home and finished the meal all while trying to watch the Biggest*Loser and listen to and look at all the crap Hubby is finding on Craigslist. Dinner is finally completed and finished and I am doing the dishes, when Hubby says, "I can't believe we are actually eating dinner at 9 pm, what have you been doing all evening?"

He is still alive, barely breathing, but still alive and no this is not an April Fool's joke...

Almost Done

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 03:37:45 GMT

I finally got possession of my kitchen and spent the entire day lining the shelves and putting things back where they belong. It feels so good to have a clean house! I'm hoping that starting the week off with an organized kitchen and a clean house will make this week go a little better. It's already off to a good start with all the wonderful and kind words from each of you, thank you for being such great people and helping me lift my spirits. I will try not to dwell on the grief that tried to overtake me yesterday, thank you so much!

I went to visit my Dad yesterday afternoon and took some cheerful balloons because I was afraid someone else had taken flowers. Should have gone with the flowers, the ones there had seen better days. I then went shopping trying to find my Mom the perfect birthday gift. Didn't find a whole lot for her but scored pretty big for me. Decided to slide all the purchases in the closet and not flaunt them in front of Hubby after my all my purchases the week before last! I found a really neat journal for my Mom which has all kinds of questions in it that she is supposed to answer from her childhood on. I wrote a little note in it and asked her to please fill it in so that her legacy would go on for generations to come. Then a few of my siblings and family members took her to dinner for her birthday which is this Tuesday. It was nice and even though I was feeling really down, it helped lift my spirits. C3 and Hubby were on their best behavior and didn't complain one time about spending the evening with my Mom. I guess they were afraid I would go bonkers on them!

So the kitchen is almost done, we still need to grout the backsplash and I need to find a new canister set and find a roman shade for the window. That is proving to be a bit of a challenge. Why is it you see what you want in other people's kitchens or in magazines but you can never find the stuff yourself? I am satisfied with the paint job on the cabinets. Satisfied but not thrilled. They look good but for the price we paid I was expecting them to look AWESOME. Lesson learned, if you want something done right, do it yourself. For some strange reason half of the doors won't shut after the painting was done, can't figure that out but we will get around to fixing that soon. Thought I'd share some before and after shots with you...

I have also been on the mad search for a mantle clock to complete the living room. Even though I love ebay, I was a little afraid to buy one sight unseen and I haven't found what I want in any store. After our second trip to Bed*Bath*and*Beyond today to get more shelf liner, I convinced Hubby to stop at a new antique mall that I have been wanting to check out. We hit PAYDIRT! We got a gorgeous (in my humble opinion) clock as well as an old dial telephone and it didn't cost us the farm! Here's my new clock and I absolutely LOVE the chimes on the half hour and hour!

It matched the wood and furniture perfectly! I don't know how old it is, but it is definitely old and was made in England. I'll have to research it and find out it's history.

I finally got to cook dinner tonight and got to try the Cheesy Tomato Basil Chicken Breasts along with some onion mashed potatoes and sweet corn. It was absolutely fabulous and pretty easy to do. Thank goodness, I was afraid I'd get back in the kitchen and it would be the worst meal ever. I haven't made a menu yet for this week or gone to the store since I was determined to get the kitchen done today. Tomorrow will be fast food again since C3 has a baseball game but hopefully I will get back in the swing come Tuesday.

Here's to a positive attitude making the week a good one!

In Memory...

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 17:29:51 GMT

Today is the fifth anniversary of my Daddy's death. Hubby and I talked about this last night and it feels strange to us that is has been that long because at times it feels just like yesterday. That day, that moment I received the call, that heartache is still there. Sometimes lurking in the shadows, other times right up front. Today is one of those days.

Not a day has gone by in the last five years that I haven't thought of my Dad at least once. Sometimes I dwell on my sadness because I miss him so incredibly much and other times I only remember the happy times. I hear songs that instantly remind me of him, sometimes they make me cry and sometimes they make me smile. Sometimes I still get angry at the doctors for not doing something to make him better and sometimes I get angry at my Dad for not taking care of himself. Today, I'm not angry. Today I am sad and full of grief. Does it ever, ever go away?

I love you Dad and I miss you so very, very much.

Blog list: My Daily Walk

Thu, 08 May 2008 20:05:34 GMT

My Daily Walk

Custom List: This Week's Menu

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:46:37 GMT

This Week's Menu

Saturday -
Friday - ?
Thursday - ?
Wednesday - ?
Tuesday - Out of Town
Monday -Cheesy Tomato Basil Chicken Breasts
Sunday - Grilled Ribs, Chicken and Sausage

Custom List: My Favorite Recipes

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 15:42:18 GMT

My Favorite Recipes

Custom List: My VisualDNA

Fri, 04 May 2007 14:56:02 GMT

My VisualDNA

My VisualDNA
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Custom List: My Weekly TV Addictions

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 11:17:40 GMT

My Weekly TV Addictions

Gilmore Girls
Another show I just recently started watching. Absolutely love it!
Lost
One of the best shows on television in a long time. I can even get over the goofy wierd stuff like the smoky evil thing because it's such a great show.
ER
I have watched this show from the very beginning and have never tired of it.
Desperate Housewives
Okay the first season was a whole lot better than the second but I'm going to give them another chance.
Brothers and Sisters
Actually only started watching this because it was on after DH. I have quickly gotten hooked on this show. I wonder when they are going to tell us Clasita was adopted, she's the only one that doesn't look like she is an actual brother or sister.
Grey's Anatomy
The best show I've seen in years - LOVE IT!

Custom List: My Phobias

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:08:18 GMT

My Phobias

Water
As much as I love water I have the biggest phobia of sticking my face under water. I have never learned to swim because of this and cannot even stick my face under the shower!
Heights
I am deathly afraid of heights. Even stepping on a step stool makes me nauseated. I get light headed and sick to my stomach every time. I have nightmares about high places.
Birds
This is a little odd but after seeing the movie 'The Birds' as a child I have always been afraid of birds. One or two birds don't bother me but flocks of birds give me the willies.
Elevators
This is combination of the height thing and enclosed spaces. I cannot breath on an elevator and have to hold my breath to keep from hyperventilating. My biggest pet peeve is people that squeeze their way into a full elevator, it gives me palpitations.
Bridges
I am sure this has to do with heights but I avoid bridges if I can. I will drive out of my way to avoid driving over a bridge.
Rats & Mice
These as well as all rodents give me the creeps no matter how big or small.

Custom List: My Favorite Things

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 14:45:26 GMT

My Favorite Things

Silence
I enjoy the tranquility of silence. I am always the most at peace when there is absolutely no noise.
Music
In contradiction to silence, I could not live without music. I have to have music playing softly in my office all day or I would go bonkers. I love all music.
Water
I love being around water. I love the sound of the waves and the soft breeze that somes when you are around water.
Sunsets
Watching a sunset in silence is very inspiring.
Early Morning
Before anyone else gets up in the morning, I enjoy the peace and quiet with a good cup of coffee. This is my 'me' time.
Naps
There is nothing better than an afternoon nap. I get very upset if I don't get one or someone disturbs one.
Sleep
Separate from naps, I love to sleep. I enjoy crawling in the bed and getting all snuggly and the peaceful feeling of falling asleep with my own thoughts and prayers.
Rain
I love the smell and sound of rain. Rainy, cloudy days go very well with napping. I do not like thunderstorms.